I looked around and it suddenly hit me.

I am a special needs mom.

I, of course, have known that but something about being in a park specifically designed for children with all disabilities made it all too real.

I saw dads pushing their children in wheelchairs moms carrying their child and moms standing around chatting.

What was different was the feeling I had.

And in that moment, I had peace.

There was no judgement at this park.

Accepting Autism was one thing accepting this life was another.

Over time I have accepted pieces of this life.

Sometimes I had no choice.

Early on I spoke about not being able to say the word Autism.

I referred to it as the A word.

I could not bring myself to say the word Autism.

Saying out loud was far too painful. And real.

When Kya and I are out anywhere I always worry. I worry it will be too loud. I worry it will be too bright or too many people.

But yesterday was different.

Knowing I was among other special needs parents was comforting even without a single word spoken.

My daughter is ten and was diagnosed at two and a half. It has taken me this long to see the beauty in today.

The beauty in a community I am a part of whether I wanted to be or not.

I am a special needs parent.

I have often said as a special needs parent our lows are the lowest, but our highs are the highest.

Nothing is easy so when she accomplishes something it is the most amazing feeling on earth.

Realizing and accepting my child was different changed me and because of that so am I.

I remember the early years and how hard a simple trip to the park was.

I remember the stares.

I remember wanting to sink into a hole and not come out.

Watching other children on a typical path can be daunting.

Too many what if’s flash by.

And it makes me want to jump into that hole.

But not this time.

This time I felt at peace.

My daughter could be herself free of the stares and free of the judgement.

Every family there had a special kiddo.

And it felt calm.

I finally felt at ease with the special needs’ world.

Its an easy judgment to throw at someone but until your life has been stolen from you then you have no idea the emotions that are wrapped up in accepting this life.

And I have.

I am a special needs parent.



Published by Keepingupwithkya

This blog is about my daughter, Kya, who has autism. This will be the real and raw side of autism. If you choose to follow please be kind.

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